Is Depression Your Old College Roommate?
Depression Is That One College Friend…
Depression is that one college friend you had that never grew up that decides to call you up, when they are “just in the area” every few years. Everyone has at least one of these people in their life. They are your “hang-over, couchsurfing, stay out till 4am friend” that hasn’t finished a book since middle school, texts and checks their IG constantly even when they’re talking to you and isn’t exactly looking to move out of their parent’s basement anytime soon on the money they’re “making” by filling out online surveys all day. We’ll call her Georgia (sorry to all the Georgia’s out there).
Even though you wouldn’t want to live like Georgia and hang out with her all the time (thank God she’s out of state), you can’t deny that there is something refreshing about seeing her every few years. You feel like you can take a break from the craziness of your life even for just a few days to entertain your friend. After all, you don’t see her often so why not take a few days off work to get nostalgic and binge on Netflix. There’s nothing wrong with this.
Sometimes though, Georgia will outstay her welcome. Those few days become a week and week two is on the horizon. You’ve been sleeping till noon everyday, “forgetting” to take a shower for a week and the local DoorDashers have your address memorized at this point (good thing we’re not in a slasher popcorn movie). Georgia is becoming expensive.
When Georgia (AKA Depression) Becomes A Problem
It gets to the point where you have to kindly tell Georgia that you have to get back to your own life and that people are starting to notice that you’ve been feeling tired and “not yourself”. Georgia is a little sad that she has to go back home to her parent’s basement and face her own reality. You show Georgia some validation, kindness and acceptance and send her on her way with a hug. You know that she will be back in a few years, which will be nice because after all she is an old friend.
You make a mental note for next time to set some boundaries with Georgia, like having a routine when she comes to visit and having a set of healthy touristy things to do when she comes like showing her around your local forest preserve.
When Your Depression is More Like Agatha
Some of you at this point, may be thinking that Georgia doesn’t apply to you and your depression looks very different or maybe is more chronic. Depression looks different and affects people in so many different ways. Georgia was meant to represent a depressive episode, which is one of the most common ways that depression comes up for people. If you have chronic depression or it looks different for you (for the sake of this blog, we’ll call her Agatha) hopefully you have gotten professional help and have supports in place. People experiencing an episode may be less familiar with it. Depression sucks, I’ve had it myself and know that it’s not fun.
Okay, so obviously depression is not your old college roommate. It would be so much more convenient if it was. You could easily give depression several excuses as to why you can’t hang out. In reality, we don’t have that level of control when it comes to depression most of the time.
The Conundrum of Depression AKA Georgia
I like using the example of Georgia because it shows some of the complexities that depression presents. On the one hand, we are told that “depression is bad” and it should be avoided but at the same time, there can be an undeniable comfort in allowing ourselves to feel sad and accepting the feelings and thoughts that come along with it, without judgment and without analyzing. Allowing our thoughts to come and go as they please and at the same time not locking our brain in a cell and giving our emotions and thoughts the key. We should have the key, not our thoughts and feelings.
Like I alluded to before, feeling sad or off every once in a while is normal and we all feel that way sometimes. We may get out of our usual routine, have some casual sleep issues and have some days where we just don’t feel like adulting. There are definitely days that I don’t feel like adulting and my kitchen sink pays the price. These are what we call “transient issues” in that they will pass. Generally, some good old fashioned self-care can be helpful here.
When It May Be Time to get some Help For Depression—Georgia or Agatha
But if you’re constantly feeling sad, isolated, lonely, overwhelmed, fatigued, have significant issues with eating and sleeping and not enjoying the things that you normally do for close to two weeks— it might be a good idea to seek out some professional help. Talking with your doctor should be a first step to rule out any medical issues that could be causing your depression.
What is Depression Trying to Show Us?
I like to think of depression as a warning sign from our brain that something is wrong. There’s something going on in our lives either internally or externally that we need to examine. From an existential perspective, something isn’t lining up with our values and we may feel powerless. There are so many reasons why someone would start to feel depressed. Similarly to when we feel physical pain when something is wrong with our body, the emotional pain (and sometimes physical pain) caused by being depressed lets us know something is wrong and should be a prompt to investigate further and come up with a plan. There are so many reasons why someone would start to feel depressed but I will list just a few common reasons here from a WebMD article.
Other Causes of Depression
History of being abused – having a trauma history increases your risk of depression
Conflicts with family or friends
Death or Loss
Being a Woman—Women are about twice as likely as men to become depressed
Genetic pre-disposition
Major life events—Graduation, starting a new job, moving, getting married, getting divorced etc.
Social Isolation
Medical illness or disease
Substance and Alcohol abuse
Ultimately, You Are the Expert Of Your Own Life
I know it’s super cliché but you really are the expert of your own life. If you feel like something is significantly off, don’t ignore it (as tempting as this may be). Doctors have become much more savvy in talking about mental health issues and even ask about mental health during annual check-ups. They may discuss medication options with you and therapy.
It is my opinion that medication should be used as a last resort after therapy and other lifestyle choices have been tried. A lot of times, antidepressants are over prescribed and while a lot of people may go through a bout of depression, there is a much smaller percentage of people that have clinical depression that could potentially benefit from medication.
If you do decide that medication is the right choice for you, this doesn’t mean that you will need to be on medication indefinitely, you should feel empowered to keep the dialogue open with your primary doctor, psychiatric nurse practitioner or psychiatrist about your medication needs. Prepare a list of questions to ask during your visits and make sure you get all your questions answered.
I just want to leave you with this—there is hope and this is temporary. Nothing is permanent and this too shall pass. If you would like to connect with me to see if therapy is the right choice for you, I would love to hear from you.
Robin Suzanne LCSW
Disclaimer: This website, Turquoise Owl Therapy PLLC should not be used to replace mental health or medical care. . If you have a medical or mental health condition please contact your physician or a mental health professional.
