Pre-Teen and Teen Counseling
Pre-Teen and Teen Therapy + Parent Coaching
Does your Pre-Teen or teen have difficulty making and keeping friends? Do they have difficulty listening to you or other adults in charge (i.e. teachers and coaches)? Do you wonder if your teenager’s reactions and behaviors are “normal” for their age? Do they seem overwhelmed emotionally or are you concerned that they may be anxious or depressed? These are all normal concerns for parents of adolescents. Maybe teen counseling can help.
The adolescent years can be some of the most frustrating but also rewarding times for parents and teens. Admittedly, I haven’t read any of Charles Dickens but I feel like the teenage years can be summed up by one of his famous quotes from a Tale of Two Cities: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.” Dickens has a knack for words I guess. After a quick Google search, I found out that he’s talking about the French Revolution but he might as well have been talking straight to teens and their parents. It’s such an exciting time as your teenager is discovering more about themselves and start gaining some initial wisdom about life. They learn just enough to be dangerous.
Teens are also finding out who they are in the context of relationships with others. They have to reckon two parts of themselves, their social self (who they are in relation to others) and their own internal identity. While exciting, this can be daunting for both you and your adolescent. Teens may choose clothing, make-up and sometimes friends or significant others that you don’t like. This can cause a lot of conflict between you and your teen and make communication difficult. This may lead to mutual feelings of resentment, sadness and frustration. You may specifically feel sad that your relationship with them doesn’t seem as close as it once was. The same boundaries you set in the past may not work.
In addition, there is the added pressure of school and most likely performance around sports and extracurricular activities, particularly in Naperville IL. In Naperville in particular, I’ve seen pressure on adolescents as early as their Freshman year to figure out what they want to major in, pressure to take AP courses they don’t necessarily want and starting to prepare for tests like the SAT and ACT. All of these issues are compounded and sets the stage for those “behaviors” that you’re seeing in your teenager.
At this point, you may be wondering if Teen Therapy can help
While I think anyone, including teens, can benefit from therapy if they’re going through something difficult or just need to talk through something, a good indication of whether or not therapy is needed would be if your teen is acting in destructive ways. Is their behavior getting in the way of functioning at school, home, or with friends? Are they consistently getting into conflicts with others? Are their friends disappearing or upset with them? Are they being bullied or are engaging in bullying others (cyber or in person)? Are they moping around the house all day? Are you concerned that they have significant body image or general self-image issues? Are they engaging in self-harm or have they expressed any suicidal ideation? Are you concerned that they may be anxious or depressed in general? Do you have reason to believe they are engaging in risky behavior (i.e. drug or alcohol use, unsafe sex etc.). If the answer is yes to one or more of these questions, then it may be time to seek out professional help for your adolescent. This list is limited—trust your intuition as a parent. If you think something is wrong please seek out help, whether it’s through me or another professional.
Is therapy for my teenager worth the cost and how much time will it take?
Teen Therapy can empower both you and your teen. Teen counseling is an investment in your teen and your family and takes commitment on your part. Therapy can be very effective when you as a parent are involved. Even if you don’t think things are at a point where your teen needs professional help, starting treatment early can help prevent more serious issues from coming up. Early intervention can save a significant amount of time, emotional energy and yes money down the road. While treatment does take some time, the amount of time your adolescent is in therapy can be substantially less now than if you wait until things get out of hand.
If you’re fully onboard with the process and open to my parent coaching, things should also move more quickly. While I cannot promise the length of time that your teen will need to be in therapy, it’s possible that if they come in early on, they may need significant less time in therapy than if you wait until their issues become more serious. After meeting with you and your teen, I can give a better idea of the length of service. Please keep in mind that this can vary greatly due to outside variables, such as unexpected life events and you and your teen’s motivation.
I can work with you and them to help set realistic expectations and boundaries. I can also work with the school if I think it would be helpful. When I work with teens, I develop a trusting relationship as the foundation for treatment while also helping them to better understand themselves and the decisions they want to make based on their values and how their decisions affect others. I have to say that the vast majority of adolescents I’ve worked with have improved their relationship with their parents during treatment and have shown significant gains in several areas of functioning.
What If They Don’t Want To Go To Therapy?
This is very common. I would say that a good percentage of pre-teens and teens that I see don’t want to come to therapy ( at least initially). This is often because they don’t have a good understanding of what therapy is, they may think something is “wrong with them” and the most common reason that teens don’t want to go is because they feel like they could spend their time doing almost anything else.
This is why it’s important to involve adolescents in the process of choosing a therapist. Have them do the consultation call with me. You can hop on at the end for any questions you may still have. I would interview at least 3 therapists to see which one your teen likes the most (most therapists offer free consultations, take advantage of it).
While I have been able to make meaningful connections with a lot of teenagers, like everyone else, I still have a unique personality that doesn’t vibe with everyone (including all teens). Teens are people too. If you and your teen decide to go with me, I will check in with them after the first few sessions to see how it’s going, which I do with my adults too. If they just aren’t feeling it, we’ll talk about whether they feel like they could do better with someone else. I would prefer that your teen work with someone they feel they can connect and make progress with than dreading coming to see me. It’s not fun for either of us and doesn’t benefit your teenager. I will give referrals for therapists that I think would be a better fit.
With That Said…
I would love to help. I’ve been working with this population off and on pretty much since I graduated from highschool 20 years ago (2002) in various settings including camp, after school and at-risk youth programs. I also served as a Jr. High Youth director at a church in Naperville IL. In the context of therapy, I’ve been working with teens and their parents for over 5 years now. I specifically enjoy helping teens make that leap from elementary to Jr. High to High School as this is such an exciting but sometimes overwhelming time in their lives.
My specialty is working with pre-teens and teens ages 11-15. I love this age range and feel a special connection with them because I remember the unique struggles of “leaving” childhood and having a whole new set of expectations seemingly thrown at me. I specifically remember never having the right colored pen (after all, pencil was fine in 5th grade), those crazy 3 minute passing periods and never being able to master the “cool conversation skills” needed to make friends. Asking another kid what their favorite color is on your first day of 6th grade won’t cut it I guess! At 38, I think I could manage everything aside from making it to class in 3 minutes.
There is hope for your teen and your family. Schedule a free video or phone consultation today to find out if I’m a good fit for your teen and your family!
“Robin is a compassionate therapist who has a wealth of knowledge and experience. As her colleague, I have seen the significant role she’s played in her client’s’ transformation and her dedication to her work. Robin is a skilled therapist who I can confidently recommend”
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